I don't usually post anything purely text unless it's a fan fiction of some sort. And even then I usually have an image to go with it. But today there's no fan fiction; just me wanting to express how I've been feeling about art as a whole, and where I would like to go moving forward.
Actually, I do have an image to go with it, and it's this lovely view of Alouette Lake from the lake's southern shore; beyond the valley, you can see a glimpse of Mt. Clarke and Stonerabbit Peak in the distance. It's my destination of choice whenever I feel troubled about anything or simply want to relax, so I decided to go here to gather my thoughts and write this post out.
Contemplation
As some may have been no doubt aware, I took an unexpected and sudden hiatus from art for the past couple of months. I expressed what I was feeling at the time at the end of my Studytober 2025 art challenge, but despite my attempts to further improve on my skills, I genuinely couldn't find it in myself to focus on my art whenever I tried to make something new. I couldn't look at my canvas without feeling misery and inadequacy that I couldn't overcome my own glass ceiling. Beyond what I knew, I couldn't understand lighting no matter how I tried to take a crack at it and no matter what the tutorials and videos tried to tell me. This overarching feeling of failure along with envy for my betters left me feeling like I needed to distance myself from certain people. I also felt incapable of doing my usual art ventures, because I was just reminded of what I struggled to accomplish. Coupled with the feeling that everything I tried to learn wasn't the right way to learn art simply because it was a hodgepodge of art tutorials I randomly found online rather than a curated art course, I naturally felt like whatever I would end up making henceforth would never amount to anything on par compared to the other, more experienced artists around me... Especially those who seemed to be doing just fine based on both art quality and social media statistics.
Through this period, I immersed myself in videogames again: a good old companion during times of depression and escapism. I came upon the company of some folk who have been very pleasant to spend time with especially when I played Final Fantasy XIV. Being in their company didn't solve my problems of course, but they were company I frankly needed while I both enjoyed the game and trudged on in my journey to find myself again. Somehow I did, as I was shaping the identity of my Nameless Scion and as I slowly started working on a commission for a friend.
There was also a point in this period that I found myself questioning my own beliefs especially with regards to the use of AI... And even my identity as an artist. In one of my friend circles, I witnessed an argument between two good friends of mine—one, an artist for advocating for the downfall of AI, and the other believing that AI is being the treated the same way digital art or photography when they first came out. Things became unnecessarily heated, resulting in the latter being dismissed by my artist circle as the rest of the insufferable pro-AI scum... Despite me knowing that he wasn't. He was simply inquisitive and wanted to understand, only to be cast out for not unquestioningly agreeing with the collective.
The encounter is nothing new especially in the art world. I've seen a lot of people online, be it on Discord or Twitter or YouTube, expressing their sheer abhorrence for AI art/writing apps and dunking on anyone who supports it, let alone uses it. As an artist myself, I see where they're coming from: artists have a hard time as it is trying to make money from their profession as a whole. What's more, the AI is fed art made by actual people so that it can improve its image generation, and more often than not, the artists who made the art didn't consent to the use of their work. And given the shift of many companies to AI integration... It's no surprise artists feel threatened that their careers teeter even more precariously on the balance.
The Starving Artist
Yet even without AI, hasn't that always been the case for artists in general? It's only when you get lucky with a following willing to spend money on you that you can ever find any semblance of financial stability. And even then that's simply up there in the game of chance. Being in the right place at the right time. Knowing the right people. In a conversation I had with Tom Carter, one of Vancouver's most renowned painters in recent memory, he expresses these same sentiments when I asked him what the key to success is in his art career. He explained to me that most of his job as an artist involves socializing and attending various social events to make connections. "You never know if you'll find your next big opportunity," was his reasoning for it.
However, famous as he was, he admitted to me that he was struggling like any other artist in the industry. This only exacerbated when I witnessed him bedridden in a hospital sometime in the midsummer of 2025. I remember vividly the enthusiasm in his voice when I met him on his 60th birthday, how he had his life ahead of him as he was entering his golden years... Only for so much of it to be stripped away by health complications no less than a week later. His health has improved since his bout at the hospital, yet in our conversations since his recovery, I notice the undercurrent of bitterness in his voice... One that I know all too well.
But I digress.
The life of an artist very rarely ever equates to that of financial stability. I've gone through this myself, when my experiences proved without a shadow of a doubt that I made more money working two entirely different jobs than relying solely on Twitch streaming and commissions. At the time, I could never fully transition to having art as a full-time career. You'd be fortunate, perhaps, if you wound up with a job at a good company that pays you a commensurate salary... Or if you made it big as a famous artist, taking commissions, working as an art streamer, or making an ongoing webcomic that has hundreds or thousands of followers.
But let's take a step back and think about it for a second from an economic standpoint. We have all these artists struggling to make it big in an already oversaturated market. Just look at Twitter... Heck, even any Discord server that has any semblance of an art community. More often than not there's some kind of comment about how life is hard as an artist, how they're not getting enough followers on social media, how AI is ruining everything for artists... Yet so many enter the market with this knowledge in mind, and wonder why they struggle to weather their dire financial straits.
It makes me wonder if anyone has ever really just... Stopped to consider that maybe that it's simply the basic law of supply and demand at work? When I look at job postings, at least here in British Columbian Canada, I don't really see postings for artists or musicians or anyone in a creative field often, and those I do find require years of technical experience or training that I simply don't have. Between August to September of last year, I was on the hunt for a new job, and most of the postings I've seen involved office work, retail, construction, or anything that required special certifications or trade licenses.
In addition, given the state of the economy these days, and based on so many conversations I've had with co-workers and acquaintances I've met in social gatherings, people seem to be generally more concerned about trying to pay their bills. Groceries. Retirement. Surviving and just hopefully having a little something left over for some extra spending, and I would even go so far as to say that art is a luxury only those with that extra spending can afford. The same is true for myself, given I've got a mortgage and a car to pay for (and besides, I could make the art myself, anyway). I'm not in a pinch anymore like I was, thankfully. I'm always fortunate and grateful to get a little extra on payday, and even more so with my newfound job security.
The more I think about it, when I look back over the past ten years... With the exception of one job that involved color matching in manufacturing, nearly every single job I had that kept me financially afloat had next to nothing in relation to art whatsoever.
Acceptance
That said, after years of making attempts to be financially successful in art, I've come to terms with the fact that I will never have a stable career in the art industry. One cannot thrive simply through having a passion for your craft nor by developing one's art skill, and socializing for the sake of finding your next big break is quite frankly exhausting; I have a hard time trying to find people who are as like-minded as I am when it comes to my other hobbies as it is. Maybe one could argue that I played my cards terribly and maybe I would have been better off if I did things differently. Maybe I can still turn it around if I tried a different strategy or focused on better marketing. But I am genuinely exasperated with this fruitless game I've consciously (or subconsciously) played over the course of a decade and a half. I don't care about trying to improve my lighting, or color theory, or trying to paint in a specific way, or what's the right way to learn art anymore. I don't care about trying to gather more followers on my Twitter or Bluesky. I don't care about the state of the industry, or how other freelance artists are struggling in an industry that they know isn't likely going to grant them the ideal lifestyle of working a job you love while making a stable income.
All I care about now is making art that makes me happy again. Making art that gives me a swell of pride knowing I made it possible for myself. Telling stories through my art that I would never have been able to do when I was much younger and didn't have the tools nor the knowledge to make it possible... And watch my characters come to life because of the stories I tell. I just want to be genuinely fucking selfish about my art and not give a damn about the world if it means making myself feel better.
Now, if you're an artist and want to stay your course, then by all means do so. I'm not here to determine how you should live your life, just my own. My experiences aren't yours and never will be, and vice versa. Perhaps you will be more fortunate than I was, or you'll come around to mirroring my sentiments. At the end of the day, how you move forward with your art career is ultimately your own choice.
Of AI in General
When I witness so much of the uproar of anti-AI sentiments, of the mob mentality chanting for the downfall of AI and anyone who even so much as engages in it, I am reminded of the history of digital art, and even photography. In spite of the threat the new technologies posed when they first came out, traditional artists and painters remain and persist to this day. Both digital art and photography emerged to become their own thing over the course of time, the former eventually branching out into several subcategories.
Much like Aaron Hertzmann has expressed in this article, I believe that we are currently in a phase where we see history repeating itself, for even with AI's exponential learning, the world at large will continue wanting to see art made with the human touch. There is always something to be said about human beings being capable of overcoming the hurdles of learning that AI trivializes... A testament to the tenacious and indomitable human spirit, if you will. This is especially true, I feel, when it comes to creativity.
However, I would be very much a hypocrite if I said I completely denounced AI like the rest of my peers. I have engaged in the use of AI myself since early 2023, particularly in my creative writing ventures. Like many others, I recoiled at the idea of even engaging with it. But after giving it a try, it has only inspired me to write further and even finish little plot ideas in my head that I struggled to complete by myself, including those that had been stewing in my head from years and years ago. I don't completely rely on AI to move the story forward, because at the end of the day, I'm the one still steering the ship in terms of my story's direction especially in terms of proofreading and quality control.
I've never used it to generate images; I fully disagree with how AI is being fed art without the consent of their makers, and the malicious use to replace actual artists entirely. However, I also can see the boon of using it to generate ideas to inspire someone to create something entirely of their own making. Anyone can find inspiration in anything, after all.
What's more, I partly owe my current financial stability to AI when my job adviser threw my resume into ChatGPT (albeit without my consent, but I held my tongue as I was more concerned about finding work and had nothing to lose), and the AI fixed it so it would be read by the ATS companies use to recruit workers. It also made it easier for my potential employers to read when I went on job fairs. Though most of the effort doubtlessly came through my own persistence and tenacity in finding another job, I give credit where credit's due; I'm grateful for what it's done to help me become financially stable, have extra spending money, and still have time to do whatever I want in my free time. It has also given me an opportunity to travel around B.C., and allowed me to meet so many people from different walks of life.
Am I any less of an artist or a writer for using AI to find inspiration for my stories and fuel myself to write my little snippets to completion? Do I deserve to be outcast the same way my inquisitive friend was when he questioned the anti-AI narrative the art community generally has? Do I deserve scorn and shame for wanting job security and a decent life? What about my girlfriend's parents, who—despite being part of a family of artists—used AI to create a little storybook as a gift for their son's family and their grandchild because they were either too old, had little time, or didn't have enough money to hire someone to make it for them? Do they deserve condemnation too for wanting to make their children happy?
If the answer to all of this is yes, then maybe I frankly don't want to be called an artist anymore. I want no part of such a community that demands you conform entirely to their collectivist ideals and shame you for thinking differently. There is good and bad in AI, much like anything else, and one cannot simply just dismiss all forms of AI as a bane to society. I know I can't, given what good it has done for me.
I am a firm believer in agreeing to disagree, respecting and accepting that everyone holds different beliefs and viewpoints, and still choosing to remain in good terms with people who don't necessarily share the same views as I do. To see the opposite happening amongst my peers fills me with disappointment. I cannot bring myself to continue being in their company if this is how they truly feel about people who don't think the same way they do. If it means I have to venture on alone, abandoning my title as an artist or holding none at all, then so be it. My morals have always ever held precedence over my friendships, in spite of it resulting in my own self-exile.
I take comfort knowing I stand up for what I believe in, even when I stand alone.
Moving Forward
It's liberating, frankly, to no longer shackle myself to the pipedream of having a successful art career that was never meant to come. I feel the world is my oyster more than ever before. I suppose it's just part of the package that comes with no longer giving a fuck. And I am here for it.
From here on, I don't foresee myself actively engaging in anything that involves further developing my craft in the near future. If I do, it may be just so that I learn how to draw or sketch something in a particular way. I may eventually come around to wanting to pursue art learning again, but for now, I want just about nothing at all to do with it. In fact, I'm going to tell you all that right now I genuinely do not care about trying to get better at art or helping others get better at art, and I don't want to talk about it unless I explicitly asked.
These days, I find myself wanting to engage more in storytelling. In making little comics about my OCs. I feel like I'm circling back to the reason why I was so passionate about making art in the first place... And it was so that I could bring my characters and their stories to life. So that's what I'll be striving for moving forward, be it with a following or without. Being able to tell their stories excites me, and I truly can't wait to do more of it.
To those I must unfortunately part ways with following all this, I only wish you the best in your future endeavors. And to those that still choose to remain, to join me even though I intend to journey forth in solitude... If you think you still find value with someone as selfish as I am, then I'm certainly not one to turn you away. I personally extend my heartfelt gratitude to you, and look forward to where our journey will take us next.
Here's to selfishness, to rediscovering oneself, and the pursuit of your own happiness. 🧃
-Zip
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